On this Date in 1950...

...Forest fires black out the sun over portions of Canada and New England. A blue moon (in the astronomical sense) is seen as far away as Europe.  Which, coincidentally, was when the first Smurf was born.

On this Date in 1988...

...José Canseco of the Oakland Athletics becomes the first member of the 40-40 club.  Club meetings were rather short until Barry Bonds joined in 1996.  Meetings were held in José's basement until A Rod joined in 1998.

On this Date in 2003...

...David Hempleman-Adams becomes the first person to cross the Atlantic Ocean in an open-air, wicker-basket hot air balloon.  What makes this event even more amazing is that the basket was also completely filled with microwave popcorn.

On this Date in 1953...

...North Korean No Kum-Sok (pictured) defected with his MiG-15, inadvertently making Operation Moolah, an American effort to bribe Communist pilots, a success.  Thus launching International Inadvertent Success Day.

On this Date in 1920...

...Foundation of the Spanish Legion.  Which was right before its subsequent lostation.

On this Date in 335...

...Flavius Dalmatius is raised to the rank of Caesar by his uncle Constantine I.  He is probably best known for being the Caesar with a record that was the most spotty.

On this Date in 1981...

...Assemblée Nationale votes to abolish capital punishment in France.  Apparently, they were tired of protesters throwing rocks at the capital building.

On this Date in 1630...

...Puritans of Massachusetts Bay Colony founded the city of Boston.  Which is fitting really, considering it was the Pagans that losted it.

On this Date in 1959...

...the first successful photocopier, the Xerox 914, is introduced in a demonstration on live television from New York City.  The event was rather controversial as the first thing that was photocopied was Xerox's President's behind.

On this Date in 1440...

...French knight Gilles de Rais, one of the earliest known serial killers, was taken into custody upon an accusation brought against him by the Bishop of Nantes.  Cap'n Crunch and Count Chocula are counted among his victims.

On this Date in 2007...

...The Northern Rock bank experiences the first bank run in the United Kingdom in 150 years.  The previous one having been sparked by Michael Banks.

On this Date in 1848...

...Vermont railroad worker Phineas Gage survives a 3-foot (0.91 m)-plus iron rod being driven through his head; the reported effects on his behavior and personality stimulate thinking about the nature of the brain and its functions.  His initial reaction was, "It kind of tickles a bit, and now I must kill you."

On this Date in 1609...

...Henry Hudson begins his exploration of the Hudson River while aboard the Halve Maen.  He found it rather pleasantly coincidental to find a body of water that already shared his name.

On this Date in 1997...

...after a nationwide referendum, Scotland votes to establish a devolved parliament, within the United Kingdom.  Which means that they now literally have monkeys in government.

On this Date in 1942...

...World War II: The British Army carries out an amphibious landing on Madagascar to re-launch Allied offensive operations in the Madagascar Campaign.  The reason for the re-launch was, reportedly, due to being distracted temporarily by a musical number put on by the local wildlife.

On this Date in 1999...

...9/9/1999, both the beginning of the Y2K bug and the official debut of the Dreamcast.  Both proved to be dismal failures for one reason or another.

On this Date in 1930...

...3M begins marketing Scotch transparent tape.  Shortly afterward the first case of someone surreptitiously tapes their nose their forehead.

On this Date in 1895...

...The first game of what would become known as rugby league football is played, in England, starting the 1895–96 Northern Rugby Football Union season.  Passersby at first thought they were witnessing a huge bar-brawl, though after a few minutes of careful observation they discovered there was an actual purpose to all the eye-gouging, ear pulling, and groin stomping going on.

On this Date in 1888...

...Charles Turner becomes the first bowler to take 250 wickets in an English season – a feat since accomplished only by Tom Richardson (twice), J.T. Hearne, Wilfred Rhodes (twice) and Tich Freeman (six times).  Though, how they were able to fit that many wickets in a single bowling alley is still a mystery.

On this Date in 1816...

...Louis XVIII has to dissolve the Chambre introuvable ("Unobtainable Chamber").  The process took longer than expected, however, since he was unable to reach it for quite some time.

On this Date in 626...

...Li Shimin, posthumously known as Emperor Taizong of Tang, assumes the throne over the Tang Dynasty of China.  The Tang Dynasty's greatest accomplishment was having the lowest scurvy rate of any previous dynasty.

On this Date in 1935...

...Sir Malcolm Campbell reaches a speed of 304.331 miles per hour on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah, becoming the first person to drive an automobile over 300 mph.  This was highly contested, however, as many of those who were there as witnesses blinked and missed it.

On this Date in 1963...

...CBS Evening News becomes U.S. network television's first half-hour weeknight news broadcast, when the show is lengthened from 15 to 30 minutes.  It wasn't necessarily intended that way, however, they were forced to after they hired a new sportscaster and he wouldn't stop talking past his allotted 30 second time slot.  And everybody liked him.

On This Date in 1920...

...the Fountain of Time opened as a tribute to the 100 years of peace between the United States and Great Britain following the Treaty of Ghent.  Though it wasn't until much later when The Gufs, a much underestimated and undervalued rock band from Milwaukee, used it as a backdrop for the album cover art for their album "Songs of Life", did the fountain realize it's true popularity.

On this Date in 1997...

...Diana, Princess of Wales, her companion Dodi Fayed, and their driver Henri Paul were killed in a high speed car accident in the Pont de l'Alma road tunnel in Paris.  Non-coincidentally, on the same day your truly arrived in California to live for the foreseeable future, ranging from Orange County, to San Diego, then eventually the Central Valley.

On this Date in 1963...

...the Hotline between the leaders of the U.S.A. and the Soviet Union goes into operation.  There was a brief misunderstanding when President Kennedy accidentally picked up this line instead of the Bat-Phone.  The Soviet Premier was overheard shortly afterward wondering, "What is Batman?"

On this Date in 1825...

...Portugal recognizes the Independence of Brazil.  The official declaration included the statement: "Hey look, Brazil is independent."

On this Date in 1901...

...Silliman University is founded in the Philippines. The first American private school in the country.  Some believed it to be a clown college, but were quickly corrected and were told that it was, in fact, a jester's college.  Big difference.

On this Date in 1928...

...The Kellogg-Briand Pact outlawing war is signed by the first 15 nations to do so. Ultimately sixty-one nations will sign it.  In honor of this momentous occasion they all enjoyed a celebratory bowl of Sugar Frosted Flakes.

On this Date in 1914...

...World War I: the German colony of Togoland is invaded by French and British forces, who take it after 5 days.  It was a rather easy operation as the Germans had decided to start wearing bedsheets instead of their normal uniforms, in honor of the area they were occupying.

On this Date in 1920...

...Polish forces under Józef Piłsudski (pictured) successfully forced the Russians to withdraw from Warsaw at the Battle of Warsaw, the decisive battle of the Polish–Soviet War.  Which, at least briefly, ended the reputation of Poland being the whipping boy of Europe.

On this Date in 2006...

...the International Astronomical Union (IAU) redefines the term "planet" such that Pluto is now considered a Dwarf Planet.  Pluto is later seen peeing on the head of the IAUs leg in protest.

On this Date in 1914...

...World War I: Japan declares war on Germany and bombs Qingdao, China.  Residents of Qingdao are overheard yelling, "But we are not in Germany!"

On this Date in 851...

...Battle of Jengland: Erispoe defeats Charles the Bald near the Breton town of Jengland.  Erispoe thought he might add insult to injury by shaving Charles' head, but he apparently was already beaten to the punch.

On this Date in 1772...

...King Gustav III completes his coup d'état by adopting a new Constitution, ending half a century of parliamentary rule in Sweden and installing himself as an enlightened despot.  His mother had always said that he was rather bright.

On this Date in 1920...

...the National Football League, (NFL), is founded in the United States.  Which, interestingly enough, was right where someone had left it.

On this Date in 1989...

...several hundred East Germans cross the frontier between Hungary and Austria during the Pan-European Picnic, part of the events which began the process of the Fall of the Berlin Wall.  Many of the East Germans who crossed state they saw an odd looking bear wearing a hat that kept stealing their picanic baskets.

On this Date in 1590...

...John White, governor of the Roanoke Colony, returned from England only to find the settlement deserted.  Marking the worst coming home party in history.

On this Date in 1959...

...Kind of Blue by Miles Davis, the much acclaimed and highly influential best selling jazz recording of all time, is released.  His followup albums, Sort of Green and Somewhat Like Yellow, were not so well received.

On this Date in 1927...

...the Dole Air Race begins from Oakland, California, to Honolulu, Hawaii, during which six out of the eight participating planes crash or disappear.  Pretty much because they were flying bananas and pineapples.

On this Date in 1695...

...French forces end the Bombardment of Brussels, leaving a third of the buildings in the city in ruins.  Marking the first time in history a country was violently opposed to a vegetable.

On this Date in 1888...

...an audio recording of English composer Arthur Sullivan's "The Lost Chord", one of the first recordings of music ever made, is played during a press conference introducing Thomas Edison's phonograph in London.  Upon concluding the playback Thomas Edison was overheard commenting, "Well, it looks like they found it."

On this Date in 1960...

...the Central African Republic declares independence from France.  France promptly surrenders, to which the Central African Republic responds, "But, we don't want your country.  Just this one.  Thanks anyway."

On this Date in 1499...

...first engagement of the Battle of Zonchio between Venetian and Ottoman fleets.  Marking the first time in history where window treatments battle foot stools for supremacy.  Onlookers are baffled at the wholesale destruction of so much interior decor.

On this Date in 1786...

...Captain Francis Light establishes the British colony of Penang in Malaysia.  Who was known as the much more healthy of the Captain Francis'.

On this Date in 1628...

...the Swedish warship  Vasa sinks in the Stockholm harbour after only about 20 minutes of her maiden voyage.  She will go on to become the crown jewel of the Swedish fleet...from the bottom of Stockholm harbour.

On this Date in 1173...

...construction of the campanile of the cathedral of Pisa (now known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa) begins; it will take two centuries to complete.  Proving that it does take a long time to get something perfectly imperfect.

On this Date in 2000...

Confederate submarine H.L. Hunley is raised to the surface after 136 years on the ocean floor and 30 years after its discovery by undersea explorer E. Lee Spence and 5 years after being filmed by a dive team funded by novelist Clive Cussler. It was later broken into, and searched, by Benjamin Gates for clues to the location of George Washington's lost wooden teeth.

On this Date in 1909...

...Alice Huyler Ramsey and three friends become the first women to complete a transcontinental auto trip, taking 59 days to travel from New York City to San Francisco.  This was not really what they had intended; however, it definitely sounds better than admitting they got lost on their way to New Jersey.

On this Date in 1284...

...The Republic of Pisa is defeated in the Battle of Meloria by the Republic of Genoa, thus losing its naval dominance in the Mediterranean.  It was mostly due to the possibility that all of their ships were unable to stay upright during the battle.

On this Date in 1925...

...The Welsh political party Plaid Cymru was founded with the goals of promoting the Welsh language and the political independence of the Welsh nation.  It also promoted the creation of comfortable, and warm, outer wear that would become the mainstay of deer hunters across the United States.

On this Date in 1916...

...World War I: Liberia declares war on Germany.  Upon hearing the news, the Kaiser's official response was, "Who?"

On this Date in 8...

...Roman Empire general Tiberius defeats Dalmatians on the river Bathinus.  They would have held out longer if they had the support of the firefighting counterparts.

On this Date in 1870...

...Tower Subway, the world's first underground tube railway, opens in London.  Contrary to what its name implies, it was not actually very tall.

On this Date in 1798...

...French Revolutionary Wars: Battle of the Nile (Battle of Aboukir Bay) – Battle begins when a British fleet engages the French Revolutionary Navy fleet in an unusual night action.  It was unusual because no-one remembered to bring a night-light and everyone was running around stubbing their toes on the cannons.

On this Date in 1853...

...Joaquin Murietta, the famous Californio bandit known as "Robin Hood of El Dorado", is killed.  His death is later avenged by Zorro.

On this Date in 1814...

...War of 1812: General Phineas Riall advances toward the Niagara River to halt Jacob Brown's American invaders.  Apparently, he knew what he was going to be doing that day.

On this Date in 1929...

...The Fascist government in Italy bans the use of foreign words.  Which reduced the populous to communicate using only grunts and hand gestures.

On this Date in 1933...

...Wiley Post becomes the first person to fly solo around the world traveling 15,596 miles (25,099 km) in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes.  This was because he was a Super Genius.

On this Date in 911...

...Rollo lays siege to Chartres.  The fighting became rather sticky at times.

On this Date in 1544...

...Italian War of 1542: the first Siege of Boulogne begins.  Indicating that it is not easy to conquer sandwich meat.

On this Date in 1870...

...the First Vatican Council declared that the Pope is infallible when he solemnly declares a dogmatic teaching on faith as being contained in divine revelation.  Marking the first time in history where a human being can no longer create a byproduct that produces a disagreeable odor.

On this Date in 1979...

...Nicaraguan president General Anastasio Somoza Debayle resigns and flees to Miami, Florida.  Thus prompting the city to change its motto to: "The official refuge for Deposed Latino Political Leaders of the World."

On this Date in 1054...

...three Roman legates break relations between Western and Eastern Christian Churches through the act of placing an invalidly-issued Papal Bull of Excommunication on the altar of Hagia Sophia during Saturday afternoon divine liturgy. Historians frequently describe the event as the start of the East-West Schism.  Rumor has it that this is exactly how the different divisions in Baseball came into being.

On this Date in 1959...

...the steel strike of 1959 begins, leading to significant importation of foreign steel for the first time in United States history.  One of the organizers was overheard commenting, "Well, that went as planned."

On this Date in 1960...

...English primatologist Jane Goodall arrived in Gombe Stream Chimpanzee Reserve, Tanganyika, to begin her groundbreaking study of the social and family interactions of wild chimpanzees.  Interestingly enough, they are not too different than what goes on in the United States Congress during a full session.

On this Date in 1793...

...journalist and French revolutionary Jean-Paul Marat was assassinated in his bathtub by Charlotte Corday, a member of the opposing political faction.  Thus making it even less desirable for journalists to take their annual bath, which gave rise to the term "yellow journalism" as many journalists would go years without bathing causing their skin to take on a sickly, yellow hue.

On this Date in 1862...

...The Medal of Honor is authorized by the United States Congress.  It will take almost 140 years for this to be turned into a video game.

On this Date in 1576...

...Martin Frobisher sights Greenland.  His first mate is overheard commenting, "Well, one out of two ain't bad."

On this Date in 1980...

...Alexandra Palace burns down for a second time.  Though, one has to wonder at the wisdom of having it built with straw in the first place, considering the building code required it to be built with at least sticks.

On this Date in 1807...

...the Treaties of Tilsit are signed by Napoleon I of France and Alexander I of Russia.  The treaties were only enforceable as long as both parties were standing.

On this Date in 1859...

...King Charles XV & IV accedes to the throne of Sweden-Norway.  Thus embarking on the most confusing rule of the two countries in history.

On this Date in 1456...

...a retrial verdict acquits Joan of Arc of heresy 25 years after her death.  So, she has that going for her, which is nice.

On this Date in 1484...

...Portuguese sea captain Diogo Cão finds the mouth of the Congo River.  Upon discovering it Diogo Cão is overheard saying, "Bem o que você sabe, é sempre no último lugar que você olhe."

On this Date in 1937...

...the Hormel Foods Corporation introduced Spam, the canned precooked meat product that would eventually enter into pop culture, folklore, and urban legend.  It also sparked the decades old debate asking the question: "What exactly is this made of?"

On this Date in 1945...

...the Brazilian cruiser Bahia was accidentally sunk by one of her own crewmen, killing more than 300 and stranding the survivors in shark-infested waters.  One has to wonder, however, at the wisdom of building a boat with a drain plug.

On this Date in 1778...

...American Revolutionary War: British forces kill 360 people in the Wyoming Valley massacre.  What they were doing in Wyoming is anyone's guess, considering the war was taking place on the east coast.

On this Date in 1962...

...The first Wal-Mart store opens for business in Rogers, Arkansas.  Thus embarking on the weirdest parade of humanity in history.

On this Date in 1943...

...Tokyo City merges with Tokyo Prefecture and is dissolved. Since then, no city in Japan has had the name "Tokyo" (present-day Tokyo is not officially a city).  So basically if you have ever been to Tokyo you have been to a place that no longer exists.  Wrap your head around that one.

On this Date in 1908...

...the Tunguska event occurs in remote Siberia.  Setting the stage for an egregious reference error in 1984 by Ray Stantz.

On this Date in 1807...

...Russo-Turkish War: Admiral Dmitry Senyavin destroys the Ottoman fleet in the Battle of Athos.  After the battle the Admiral was overheard saying, "Why anyone would throw that many turkey shaped foot stools is beyond me."

On this Date in 1881...

...a secret treaty between Austria and Serbia is signed.  Shhhhh, don't tell anyone.

On this Date in 1946...

...in the Canadian Citizenship Act, the Parliament of Canada establishes the definition of Canadian citizenship.  Which basically consisted of the following: If you lived north of the United States you are a Canadian.

On this Date in 1409...

...Western Schism: the Roman Catholic church is led into a double schism as Petros Philargos is crowned Pope Alexander V after the Council of Pisa, joining Pope Gregory XII in Rome and Pope Benedict XII in Avignon.  Thus bringing to completion the first ever Pope Trifecta.

On this Date in 1786...

...Gavriil Pribylov discovers St. George Island of the Pribilof Islands in the Bering Sea.  He was able to definitively ascertain it was St George Island because of the huge banner the natives had erected over the beach.

On this Date in 1374...

...one of the first major outbreaks of dancing mania, wherein crowds of people danced themselves to exhaustion, took place in Aachen (present-day Germany), before spreading to other cities and countries.  During which was the first recorded occurrence of someone dying from doing the macarena.

On this Date in 1942...

...World War II: Germany's latest fighter, a Focke-Wulf FW190, is captured intact when it mistakenly lands at RAF Pembrey in Wales.  In the pilot's defense Wales does look a lot like Germany in the summertime.  So get off his case already.

On this Date in 1944...

...opening day of the Soviet Union's Operation Bagration against the Army Group Centre.  Everyone on the team felt it was going to be a great season.

On this Date in 1973...

...in handing down the decision in Miller v. California 413 US 15, the Supreme Court of the United States establishes the Miller Test for obscenity in U.S. law.  The test consists of the following: If the word or phrase is able to make all presiding judges blush it is considered too obscene.

On this Date in 1963...

...the so-called "red telephone" is established between the Soviet Union and the United States following the Cuban Missile Crisis.  Rumor has it that it was placed right next to the Bat-phone.

On this Date in 1586...

...English colonists leave Roanoke Island, after failing to establish England's first permanent settlement in North America.  Quitters.

On this Date in 1429...

...French forces under the leadership of Joan of Arc defeat the main English army under sir John Fastolf at the Battle of Patay. This turns the tide of the Hundred Years' War.  From this point on Sir John was forever referred to as, "The poor old sap that was beat by a girl."

On this Date in 1992...

...a 'joint understanding' agreement on arms reduction is signed by U.S. President George Bush and Russian President Boris Yeltsin (this would be later codified in START II).  This, in now way, has any relation to the War on Drugs that was declared on this date in 1971 by President Richard Nixon.

On this Date in 1586...

...Mary, Queen of Scots, recognizes Philip II of Spain as her heir and successor.  Her official statement was, "Hey look, it's Philip II of Spain, my heir and successor."

On this Date in 1215...

...King John of England puts his seal to the Magna Carta.  Though why he allowed an aquatic animal to lie upon such an important document is still a mystery.

On this Date in 1940...

...the Soviet Union issued an ultimatum to Lithuania, demanding to allow an unspecified number of soldiers to enter the country and to form a new pro-Soviet government.  The official response from the Lithuanian government, "Well, all you had to do was ask nicely.  Sheesh!"

On this Date in 1952...

...Catalina affair: a Swedish Douglas DC-3 is shot down by a Soviet MiG-15 fighter.  What exactly they were doing off the coast of California is still under investigation.

On this Date in 1952...

...Catalina affair: a Swedish Douglas DC-3 is shot down by a Soviet MiG-15 fighter.  What exactly they were doing off the coast of California is still under investigation.

On this Date in 1775...

...American Revolution: British general Thomas Gage declares martial law in Massachusetts. The British offer a pardon to all colonists who lay down their arms. There would be only two exceptions to the amnesty: Samuel Adams and John Hancock, if captured, were to be hanged.  Presumably because one made beer better than anyone in England, and the other for having way to big a signature.

On this Date in 1955...

...eighty-three are killed and at least 100 are injured after an Austin-Healey and a Mercedes-Benz collide at the 24 Hours of Le Mans, the deadliest ever accident in motorsports.  Since then race cars were made much smaller so only one person was necessary to drive them.

On this Date in 1871...

...Sinmiyangyo: Captain McLane Tilton leads 109 U.S. Marines in a naval attack on Han River forts on Kanghwa Island, Korea.  Local villagers are overheard wondering, "Aren't they about 80 years too early?"

On this Date in 1934...

...Donald Duck makes his debut in The Wise Little Hen.  Sparking a decades-long debate on why he wears a towel around his waist when he gets out of the bath, but does not wear pants.

On this Date in 1959...

...the USS Barbero and United States Postal Service attempt the delivery of mail via Missile Mail.  The project was considered somewhat of a failure since many of the recipients were "accidentally" blown up when the missile landed, as well as the mail it was carrying being incinerated.

On this Date in 1942...

...World War II: Japanese soldiers occupy the American islands of Attu and Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands off Alaska.  Upon completion of securing the islands a communication was intercepted on its way the Japanese naval command that read: "So, what are we doing up here again?"

On this Date in 1813...

...War of 1812: Battle of Stoney Creek – A British force of 700 under John Vincent defeats an American force two times its size under William Winder and John Chandler.  Upon realizing defeat, John Chandler was overheard saying, "Could this be anymore of a bummer?"

On this Date in 1942...

...World War II: United States declares war on Bulgaria, Hungary, and Romania.  In response they collectively stated, "Hey, what'd we do?  It's that Hitler guy you want, not us!"

On this Date in 1965...

...Duane Earl Pope robbed the Farmers' State Bank of Big Springs, Nebraska, killing three people execution style and severely wounding a fourth. The crime landed Pope on the FBI Ten Most Wanted list.  Upon hearing the news The Pope says, "I have never even been to Nebraska."

On this Date in 1973...

...a Soviet supersonic Tupolev Tu-144 crashes near Goussainville, France, killing 14, the first crash of a supersonic passenger aircraft.  There was a delay in the report of the crash since locals did not hear it until a week after it happened.

On this Date in 1962...

...During the 1962 FIFA World Cup, police had to intervene multiple times in fights between Chilean and Italian players in one of the most violent games in football history.  Players from the NHL shortly afterward are overheard commenting on the event, "amateurs".

On this Date in 1862...

...American Civil War, Peninsula Campaign: Battle of Seven Pines (or the Battle of Fair Oaks) ends inconclusively, with both sides claiming victory.  At which point a new battle broke out to decide who, indeed, won the previous battle.

On this Date in 1942...

...World War II: Imperial Japanese Navy midget submarines begin a series of attacks on Sydney, Australia.  The mission, however, was a complete failure as they were looking for the fabled "Emerald City", which is, in fact, in Washington State, in The United States of America.

On this Date in 1842...

...John Francis attempts to murder Queen Victoria as she drives down Constitution Hill, London with Prince Albert.  The attempt was thwarted, however, as they were both riding in a can, which was impervious to attack.

On this Date in 1918...

...Armenia defeats the Ottoman Army in the Battle of Sardarapat.  Though, in all reality, it is not all that hard to beat up on foot stools.

On this Date in 1503...

...James IV of Scotland and Margaret Tudor are married according to a Papal Bull by Pope Alexander VI. A Treaty of Everlasting Peace between Scotland and England signed on that occasion results in a peace that lasts ten years.  Thus proving once and for all that "forever" is officially equal to 10 years.

On this Date in 1813...

...War of 1812: In Canada, American forces capture Fort George.  Fort Lenny, however, was much harder to capture, and took at least a month longer

On this Date in 1936...

...in the House of Commons of Northern Ireland, Tommy Henderson begins speaking on the Appropriation Bill. By the time he sits down in the early hours of the following morning, he had spoken for 10 hours.  The sign outside of a nearby church the next Sunday read, "Come join us this morning for services as we read through the entire Bible, we promise it will be shorter than the Appropriation Bill speech."

On this Date in 2001...

...32-year-old Erik Weihenmayer, of Boulder, Colorado, becomes the first blind person to reach the summit of Mount Everest.  At least that is what they told him.

On this Date in 1689...

...The English Parliament passes the Act of Toleration protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics are intentionally excluded.  It was extremely important to make this distinction since Protestants and Roman Catholics were always being confused for each other.

On this Date in 1430...

...Siege of Compiègne: Joan of Arc is captured by the Burgundians while leading an army to relieve Compiègne.  Which led to the largest outbreak of bladder infections as the army stationed at Compiègne was forced to cross their legs indefinitely.

On this Date in 1903...

...Launch of the White Star Liner, SS Ionic.  Engineers said it was a breeze.

On this Date in 1904...

...The Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) is founded in Paris.  Which is interesting since it was losted a year earlier in Germany.

On this Date in 1927...

...At 07:52 Charles Lindbergh takes off from Roosevelt Field in Long Island, New York, on the world's first solo non-stop flight across the Atlantic Ocean. He touched down at Le Bourget Field in Paris at 22:22 the next day.  Chuck Woolery seen looking on in approval.

On this Date in 1749...

...King George II of Great Britain grants the Ohio Company a charter of land around the forks of the Ohio River.  Which was convenient since they had no idea what they were going to call it.

On this Date in 1902...

...The Antikythera mechanism, the oldest known surviving geared mechanism, was discovered among artifacts retrieved from a shipwreck off the Greek island of Antikythera.  So far researchers have only been able to ascertain that it points the way to the Isla de Muerta.

On this Date in 1960...

...American physicist Theodore Maiman operated the first working laser at the Hughes Research Laboratories in Malibu, California.  However, the first successful firing of this laser ended up making a huge mess as it caused one of the on campus frat houses to become completely filled with popcorn.

On this Date in 2006...

...Iranian Azeris interpret a cartoon published in an Iranian magazine as insulting, resulting in massive riots throughout the country.  What could possibly be offensive about be compared to cockroa...ooooh.

On this Date in 1525...

...The battle of Frankenhausen ends the German Peasants' War.  Though, Frank was not too please with the mess they left in his living room.

On this Date in 1509...

...Battle of Agnadello: In northern Italy, French forces defeat the Venetians.  In their defense, the Venetians couldn't see very well.

On this Date in 1779...

...Russian and French mediators negotiated the Treaty of Teschen to end the War of the Bavarian Succession.  They decided to setup a puppet government with a cream pie.

On this Date in 1857...

...Indian Mutiny: Indian rebels seize Delhi from the British.  Presumably for the hot pastrami on rye.

On this Date in 1940...

...World War II: A British force of 746 soldiers invaded and captured Iceland without opposition.  After having taken control of such a strategically important island, the war was soon at an end.

On this Date in 1980...

...in Norco, California, five masked gunman hold up a Security Pacific bank, leading to a violent shoot-out and one of the largest pursuits in California history. Two of the gunmen and one police officer are killed and thirty-three police and civilian vehicles are destroyed in the chase.  The movie version should be coming in a couple years.

On this Date in 1914...

...Paramount Pictures is founded.  Though, no-one was aware that it was losted.

On this Date in 1429...

...Joan of Arc ends the Siege of Orléans, pulling an arrow from her own shoulder and returning, wounded, to lead the final charge. The victory marks a turning point in the Hundred Years' War.  The English returned home in shame as news spread about how they were "beaten by a girl."

On this Date in 1757...

...English poet Christopher Smart is admitted into St Luke's Hospital for Lunatics in London, beginning his six-year confinement to mental asylums.  This was where he reportedly invented the Cone of Silence.

On this Date in 1640...

...King Charles I of England dissolves the Short Parliament.  It didn't take very long, since it wasn't very long.

On this Date in 1493...

...Pope Alexander VI divides the New World between Spain and Portugal along the Line of Demarcation.  France and England look on in amusement.

On this Date in 1952...

...Lieutenant Colonels Joseph O. Fletcher and William P. Benedict of the United States land a plane at the North Pole.  Kris Kringle was seen shortly afterward yelling, "Get off my lawn!"

On this Date in 1194...

...King Richard I of England gives Portsmouth its first Royal Charter.  Though there are many that are still waiting for the bus.

On this Date in 1751...

...the first cricket match is played in America.  No one, to this day, still has any clue as to the outcome.

On this Date in 1945...

...World War II: Fuhrerbunker: Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun commit suicide after being married for one day. Soviet soldiers raise the Victory Banner over the Reichstag building.  Officially marking the worst honeymoon in history.

On this Date in 1429...

...Joan of Arc arrives to relieve the Siege of Orleans.  Apparently, they really had to pee.

On this Date in 1192...

...assassination of Conrad of Montferrat (Conrad I), King of Jerusalem, in Tyre, two days after his title to the throne is confirmed by election. The killing is carried out by Hashshashin.  His modus operandi was to force the king to say his name five times fast, which induced a stroke and a heart attack at same time, ultimately killing the king.

On this Date in 1509...

...Pope Julius II places the Italian state of Venice under interdict.  Though, how he was able to create his own gravity well is still a mystery.

On this Date in 1937...

...Spanish Civil War: Guernica (or Gernika) in Basque, Spain is bombed by German Luftwaffe.  Shouts of "Hey, we're Neutral!" apparently had no effect.

On this Date in 1607...

...Eighty Years' War: The Dutch fleet destroys the anchored Spanish fleet at Gibraltar.  The Spanish were distracted by the fact that the Dutch sailed huge windmills into the straight, thus the Spanish were easily defeated.

On this Date in 1990...

...Gruinard Island, Scotland, is officially declared free of the anthrax disease after 48 years of quarantine.  Though upon garnering a reaction from residents the official response was: "What, we were under quarantine?"

On this Date in 1942...

...World War II: In retaliation for the Royal Air Force bombing of Lübeck several weeks prior, the Luftwaffe began a series of bombing raids in England, starting with Exeter.  Though, it appeared as though they would be going way over budget on the operation since someone in the planning committee accidentally chose the small town in California instead of the one in England.

On this Date in 1529...

...Treaty of Saragossa divides the eastern hemisphere between Spain and Portugal along a line 297.5 leagues or 17° east of the Moluccas.  Great Britain looks on in amusement.

On this Date in 1945...

...World War II: Soviet Union forces south of Berlin at Zossen attack the German High Command headquarters.  Which was very easy to see considering its altitude.

On this Date in 1526...

...the last ruler of the Lodi Dynasty, Ibrahim Lodi was defeated and killed by Babur in the First Battle of Panipat.  And to this day it is still impossible to find it on a map of California.

On this Date in 1012...

...after refusing to allow himself to be ransomed for his freedom by his Viking captors, Alphege was beaten to death by a mob in Greenwich, now a suburb of London, the first Archbishop of Canterbury to die a violent death.  Then he was shot out of a cannon.  Either that or he was canonized, one of the two.

On this Date in 1947...

...in one of the largest non-nuclear single explosive detonations in history, the Royal Navy set off 6,800 tonnes of surplus ammunition in an unsuccessful attempt to destroy the island of Heligoland, Germany.  The head demolitions expert was overheard saying, "Huh, you woulda thought that should've worked."  To which his subordinate responded, "It's a friggin island, man.  Not a house."

On this Date in 1907...

...the Ellis Island immigration center processes 11,747 people, more than on any other day.  It also marked the day that the most people with the last names Smith, Anderson, and Jones immigrated to the country as well.

On this Date in 1944...

...Allied forces started bombing of Belgrade,killing about 1,100 people. This bombing fell on the Orthodox Christian Easter.  Why no-one saw fit to move it is still a mystery.

On this Date in 1817...

...Thomas Hopkins Gallaudet and Laurent Clerc founded the American School for the Deaf, the first American school for deaf students, in Hartford, Connecticut.  I SAID THE FIRST AMERICAN SCHOOL FOR DEAF STUDENTS, IN HARTFORD...Oh nevermind.

On this Date in 2002...

...Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returns to office two days after being ousted and arrested by the country's military.  Upon arriving at his office he said, "Well, hi there!  Anybody miss me?"

On this Date in 1987...

...Portugal and the People's Republic of China sign an agreement in which Macau would be returned to China in 1999.  Thus began the 12 year dilemma to find a RMA kit big enough to return a colony.

On this Date in 467...

...Anthemius was proclaimed Western Roman Emperor at the third or twelfth mile from Rome.  Give or take 9 or 54 miles.

On this Date in 1990...

...customs officers in Middlesbrough, United Kingdom, say they have seized what they believe to be the barrel of a massive gun on a ship bound for Iraq.  They later discover that it was just a large sewer pipe.

On this Date in 1971...

...Ping Pong Diplomacy: In an attempt to thaw relations with the United States, the People's Republic of China hosts the U.S. table tennis team for a weeklong visit.  Many Chinese were amazed at the skill of one of the members of the team, Forrest Gump.

On this Date in 1945...

...World War II: The German pocket battleship Admiral Scheer is sunk.  To be fair, though, it was a rather small battleship.

On this Date in 1904...

...Longacre Square in Midtown Manhattan is renamed Times Square after The New York Times.  Also, because no-one liked saying Longacre.

On this Date in 1927...

...first distance public television broadcast (from Washington, D.C. to New York City, displaying the image of Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover).  Though, many did not think it was working at first as all they could see was a big white blob.

On this Date in 1973...

...the American League of Major League Baseball begins using the designated hitter.  Though, due to the logistical nightmare of having one guy play in every game, for every team, of the year they decided to include a designated hitter for each team.  Things went much smoother after that.

On this Date in 1722...

...Dutch explorer Jakob Roggeveen became the first European to land on Easter Island.  He was rather disappointed, however, when he discovered there were no multi-colored eggs anywhere on the island.  He was certain there would be some behind the guys with the big stone heads.

On this Date in 1850...

...The Great Fire of Cottenham, a large part of the Cambridgeshire village (England) is burnt to the ground under suspicious circumstances.  Chicago mentions that maybe they should check out the cows of a certain Irish woman, who have been known to start such things.

On this Date in 1973...

...the first portable cell phone call is made in New York, New York, United States.  The call was short-lived, however, as AT&T had horrible coverage in that part of New York.

On this Date in 1962...

...the first official Panda crossing is opened outside Waterloo station, London.  Some, however, wonder at the practicality of it since there are so few pandas in London.

On this Date in 1865...

...American Civil War: Battle of Five Forks – In Siege of Petersburg, Confederate General Robert E. Lee begins his final offensive.  The battle was short lived, however, as there were only so many times the forks could be thrown before they were completely worn out.

On this Date in 1889...

...the Eiffel Tower is inaugurated.  Apparently the French let anything run for President.

On this Date in 1842...

...anesthesia is used for the first time, in an operation by Dr. Crawford Long.  To the untrained eye it looked suspiciously like a rubber mallet.

On this Date in 1982...

...Queen Elizabeth II gave Royal Assent to the Canada Act 1982, which ended all remaining dependence of Canada on the United Kingdom by a process known as "patriation".  At which point Canada turned to the United States and said, "See, if you would have just waited a couple hundred years all you would have had to do was ask."

On this Date in 1979...

...a partial core meltdown of the Three Mile Island Nuclear Generating Station near Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, US, resulted in the release of an estimated 43,000 curies (1.59 PBq) of radioactive krypton to the environment.  Which explains the sudden nose-dive Superman took when he happened to be flying over that day.

On this Date in 1958...

...Nikita Khrushchev became Premier of the Soviet Union following the death of Joseph Stalin.  Russians everywhere were furious, until they found out that Nikita was, in fact, a man.

On this Date in 1934...

...the driving test is introduced in the United Kingdom.  Thus marking the beginning of the end for all automobile accidents in the United Kingdom.

On this Date in 1655...

...Saturn's largest moon, Titan, is discovered by Christiaan Huygens.  His first reaction was, "Wow, thaat thing's big!"

On this Date in 2003...

...the Arab League votes 21-1 in favor of a resolution demanding the immediate and unconditional removal of U.S. and British soldiers from Iraq.  Upon hearing the news leaders in both countries were overheard saying,"Those silly arabs, since when did we give them permission to vote on anything?"

On this Date in 1905...

...1,500 Cretans, led by Eleftherios Venizelos (pictured), met at the village of Theriso to call for the island's unification with Greece, beginning the Theriso revolt.  The nerve of some people.

On this Date in 1954...

...closed since 1939, the London bullion market reopens.  Londoners everywhere rejoice as they are able to make chicken broth once again.

On this Date in 1935...

...Shah Reza Pahlavi formally asks the international community to call Persia by its native name, Iran, which means 'Land of the Aryans.'  The irony of this request nearly causes Adolf Hitler's head to asplode.

On this Date in 1974...

...Ian Ball attempts, but fails, to kidnap Her Royal Highness Princess Anne and her husband Captain Mark Phillips in The Mall, outside Buckingham Palace, London.  We was, reportedly, distracted, briefly, by a sale at The Gap when Mall security apprehended him.

On this Date in 1687...

...explorer Robert Cavelier de La Salle, searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River, is murdered by his own men.  Of course they were understandably upset considering they went over 300 hundred miles in the wrong direction and Cavelier refused to stop for directions.

On this Date in 1989...

...in Egypt, a 4,400-year-old mummy is found nearby the Pyramid of Cheops.  Though some archeologists say she doesn't look a day over 2,800.

On this Date in 1861...

...the Kingdom of Italy (1861–1946) is proclaimed.  This is a repeat from 1805.  The Italians like to proclaim themselves a kingdom every so often, just in case someone missed it the last time.

On this Date in 1912...

...Lawrence Oates, an ill member of Scott's South Pole expedition leaves the tent saying, "I am just going outside and may be some time."  Which, as they found out later, meant, "I really have to pee" after they discovered the largest yellow stain ever recorded.

On this Date in 1952...

...in Cilaos, Réunion, 1870 mm (73 inches) of rain falls in one day, setting a new world record for the wettest reunion ever.

On this Date in 1647...

...Thirty Years' War: Bavaria, Cologne, France and Sweden sign the Truce of Ulm.  Marking the first time in history when a truce was named after a verbal pause.

On this Date in 1781...

...German-born British astronomer and composer William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus while in the garden of his house in Bath, Somerset, England, thinking it was a comet.  Though to be fair, when ur back end is that big, it is not that uncommon for it to be mistaken for a planet.

On this Date in 1622...

...Ignatius of Loyola and Francis Xavier, founders of the Jesuits, were canonized as saints by Pope Gregory XV.  There was a period of unexpected tension, initially, until someone explained to them that it was, in fact, a great honor, and they were not going to be actually shot out of a cannon.

On this Date in 1985...

...Mikhail Gorbachev becomes the Soviet Union's leader.  Though many people thought it was just another rorschach test.

On this Date in 1977...

...Rings of Uranus: Astronomers discover rings around Uranus.  Funny, I didn't even know they could see into my bathroom.